Three guys visited a Boston area bar after hearing that the bar was dispensing it’s last bottle of a special fifty year old scotch. When the three men arrived, the bartender informed them that he was down to his last bottle, and there was only one shot of whiskey left. The bartender agreed to serve the whiskey to the gentleman who could make the best argument for why he should be the lucky recipient.
The first man was a 75 year old Catholic priest with three months to live. He said that he had taken his vows of celibacy and poverty seriously, and always put others before himself. He pleaded with the bartender to make this shot of whiskey his earthly reward for serving God.
Moved nearly to tears, the bartender asked the second man why he should get the whiskey. This man was a 40 year old Irishman in slovenly condition, who informed the bartender that he used to be a successful businessman until his alcoholism cost him his job, his family, and his home. The man promised to offer rehab that very day, and he vowed to spend his life helping other alcoholics if he could simply have this one last taste.
The bartender was again moved, and knew he was going to have to make a hard choice. He turned to the third man and asked why he should have the last of the scotch.
Without a word, the man shot the bartender, shot the priest, and shot the alcoholic. He then drank the last of the scotch, cleaned out the cash register, and left on his way to work.
The moral of this story? Never go drinking with Aaron Hernandez.
Reminder: The Rat’s Tale is a recurring parody feature that appears on Gridiron Rats. No one was actually harmed in the writing of this article. Yeah, the Rat knows he is going to burn in Hell for this one.