By the time you read this, football widows everywhere will have survived the first week of the NFL season. My “best looking helmet picks” were fairly successful. I correctly chose 9 of the 16 winning teams. Considering that Ghost Rat picked 10 of the 16, not too shabby, particularly considering how much thought he puts into all of this. I was tied with “Idaho Quarter”, which is literally a coin toss, and I am within 2 games of the Gridiron Rats leaders.
In week 1, I based my picks on aesthetics. In week 2, I turn to the kind of logic applied in rock, paper scissors. Paper covers rock, rock smashes scissors, and so on. This is how I made my picks.
When NFL franchises choose a name and/or mascot for their team, I can only assume that the decision is well thought out using similar logic. If I were in charge of naming a team, I would want to choose something that instills fear in the hearts of opponents. For example, if Las Vegas had an expansion team, I would steer clear of naming them the “Las Vegas Exotic Dancers”. I could go on, but I think you get where I am coming from on this one.
This week’s Thursday night game pits the Bears of Chicago against the Packers of Green Bay. Bears are pretty scary, unless they come up on a Packer. No contest. The Bears become a Thursday evening snack. I also have both the Texans and the Cowboys winning this week over the Jaguars and Seahawks respectively. I just assume that Texans and Cowboys are armed and therefore more dangerous. Don’t mess with Texas, etc. etc.
I’d like to ask for a moment of silence for the Browns. There isn’t a mascot in the entire League that a Crayola Crayon would beat. I have to give a shout out to contributor Fat Jesus, a Cleveland fan, who informed me (on my wedding day, in fact) that the Cleveland Browns are named after Paul Brown, the team’s first coach, and not for a color. If Wikipedia is to be believed, even Brown himself objected to the team’s naming. Regardless, I have the Bengals to win.
Week 2 Picks
Packers over Bears (Bearbugers, anyone?)
Giants over Buccaneers (they are bigger)
Panthers over Saints (unless the Saints cheat)
Patriots over Cardinals (they have muskets)
Vikings over Colts (Vikings are notoriously warlike)
Eagles over Ravens (Come on…it’s our national symbol)
Chiefs over Bills (I dated a guy named Bill once…)
Bengals over Browns (They’ll take their Crayons and go home)
Texans over Jaguars (Remember the Alamo!)
Cowboys over Seahawks (Ride ‘em Cowboys!)
Rams over Redskins (Dodge truck commercials say that Rams are tough)
Jets over Steelers (Jets are made of Steel. I’m not buying this one either…)
Titans over Chargers (Sticks and stones may break Titan bones, but the word “Charge!” will never hurt them)
Raiders over Dolphins (Raiders seem mean)
Lions over 49ers (my 12-year-old daughter just looked over my shoulder and informed me that Lions have pretty manes. I’m sold!)
Broncos over Falcons (They are faster. Plus, Peyton Manning looked good out there on Sunday.)